The Los Angeles Dodgers and New York Yankees, teams from the two most populous cities in the United States, are currently facing off in the World Series, which is a big deal if you like baseball.

But if you don’t do it Do they care much about America’s pastime, perhaps because the games are too long, or because the snacks are downright mediocre compared to football? (And don’t you dare bring up Cracker Jacks. I refuse to recognize Cracker Jacks!) Well, then I advise you to look at the World Series from a different perspective. This isn’t just a series of baseball games…but the latest chapter in a long-running conflict.

New York and Los Angeles are in a big crisis you know what-swing competition since time immemorial. There was Alvy’s remark in Annie Hall that he did not want to live in a city “where the only cultural advantage is being able to turn right at a red light”; all these tugs between Tupac and Biggie; both episodes Sex and the city arc in which a stint at the Standard on Sunset Boulevard sent Carrie back to Manhattan; and, after pursuing her dreams on this same island, Joan Didion takes one last look around, says “goodbye to all that” and heads towards Los Angeles.

So, these World Series? It’s not just basic bell. It’s a tally on the chessboard, an invisible hand guiding the minds of future generations, an undetectable breeze that swings the great pendulum of power – and it got us thinking about other major clashes on the East and West. In the battle of the tabloids, for example, who wins: the New York Post or TMZ? And which enclave can claim the ultimate hipster crown, Bushwick or Silver Lake?

After imagining 18 hyper-specific rivals (real or imaginary), we asked our bicoastal residents Vogue contributors to determine which city wins each category. Some are New Yorkers who moved to Los Angeles; some, Angelenos who moved to New York; and others aren’t sure which city will ultimately capture their hearts. But they all lived – and paid their taxes! – in both.

Below are the results. Definitive? Certainly not. Controversial? Certainly.

Grocery Candle

The teams: Citarella v. Erewhon

The winner: Erewhon

The reasoning: In just the clean sweep of these confrontations, every interviewee recognized Erewhon’s absolute supremacy when it comes to groceries. Hailey Bieber smoothies, buffalo cauliflower and Balenciaga products: Even the most ardent New Yorkers have to admit they’re jealous of Los Angeles’ unlimited access to ripe avocados.