Dear Abby: Our friend “Carrie” revealed to our close group of friends that for several years she had been having an affair with the husband of her best friend “Julia”. Their children are the best of friends and they spend a lot of time together, even taking family vacations.
We have repeatedly told Carrie how this could affect the children, which she acknowledges, but the affair continues. This dirty secret is getting harder and harder to keep because we love Julia, but no one wants to be the messenger. Should we tell Julia, or wait until it is inevitably revealed? — Rotten in Rhode Island

Dear Rotten: Are you sure Julia knows nothing about this affair and has chosen to ignore it? Julia has children who still live at home. If you spill the beans, what effect will that have on the intact lifestyle they presumably enjoy? If you’d rather not hear any more about Carrie’s shenanigans, tell her you don’t want to know anymore. But I vote for you to keep quiet when it comes to making revelations.

Dear Abby: My son and his wife have been married for three years and have an 8 month old son. She stays at home to take care of the baby. My son also works from home. He has now taken a second job to make ends meet, so three days a week he works from 7am to 3pm, then leaves from 5pm to 10pm and returns home at 11pm.

His wife believes in co-sleeping, which means she sleeps in the bed with the baby, while my son sleeps on a mattress on the floor. This has been going on since the child was born. My son also does 80% of the cooking. They live thousands of miles away, so I can’t help them. He is almost her slave. I don’t want to say anything, but I would like their marriage to last. What should I do? — Concerned in California

Dear Concerned: The last thing you need to do is intervene. Unless your son complains about this arrangement, stay out of it. If the situation becomes intolerable, your son will take care of it.

Dear Abby: It’s been five years since my teaching position at a small college ended. I was expelled after 30 years of teaching and two years before my announced retirement date. I didn’t do anything wrong. The reasons given were vague. Being deprived of a solid explanation hurt me deeply.

There was no severance pay or benefits. I lost a substantial amount of income at a crucial time in my life, but no one seemed to think anything of it. For a long time, I felt sick. I still can’t forgive the dean and the president of the school. But somehow I think I should do it. How can I get unstuck? Actually, I’ve evolved in many ways, but I just can’t forgive. — I still hurt

Dear injured: Here’s how to get out of it: Find a competent wrongful termination attorney and discuss what was done to you. Follow the lawyer’s advice and when you are properly compensated, you will likely be in a much more forgiving mood than you are today.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.