• Relationship coach Michelle Panning documented trying “rejection therapy” for 30 days.
• Although it is not an officially recognized form of therapy, 2 therapists said it is a type of exposure therapy.
• They said that consistently making small requests can teach you to better deal with rejection.

Michelle Panning remembers being afraid of rejection since she was a child.

“I have this bubbling feeling of, ‘Just open your mouth and ask,’” Panning, 35, told BI. She always held herself back from asking for things because she was worried about what would happen if the other person said no.

One day, Panning came across entrepreneur and blogger Jia Jiang. People who tried “rejection therapy” for 100 daysHe forces himself to make requests, such as asking a stranger for $100. Jiang slowly began to purge herself of the shame and fear she felt in the face of rejection.

inspired Panning to try it himself, and 30-day rejection therapy challenge on TikTok channel. Panning’s series resonated with viewers and racked up millions of views.

Rachel GoldbergGen Z, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said Gen Zers may struggle with rejection, especially after the pandemic. “A lot of people stopped putting themselves out there,” he told BI.

Technology has made it easier isolating oneself and avoiding facing discomfort or conflict. For example, she said some of her younger clients avoid answering the phone because they find it too intimidating to move forward in a conversation, preferring to text her about rescheduling their appointments.

Over time, this has consequences. “The primary determinant of success is one’s ability to tolerate failure.” Lauren Farinaa licensed clinical social worker, told BI. brushing off rejection is an important part of this.

Although “rejection therapy” is not a research-backed form of therapy ( originally invented (as the name of a card game by developer Jason Comely), both Goldberg and Farina said gradual exposure to rejection can help build trust.

Rejection therapy gently exposes you to your worst fears

Denial therapy falls under the umbrella of exposure therapy, which is a common treatment for the following conditions: OCD, anxietyAnd PTSD.

“The ultimate goal is to reduce the intensity of your fear response and increase confidence,” Goldberg said. You can benefit from practicing on your own time, which will make you feel more confident because you have more control.

Panning made a list of challenges he wouldn’t mind doing if he got a yes, such as feeding an alligator at the zoo. He went through the list in random order and chose a new challenge each day.

“If my heart had started pounding, I would have said, ‘Yes, that’s it. We’re doing it now,'” he said.

The yeses she received led to some unforgettable experiences, such as standing as a live mannequin in a store.

Over time, he got used to the experience of asking.

“This would become another thing on my task list,” he said. “I wasn’t afraid of it anymore.”

How you carry yourself matters

Asking a stranger for a hug was the hardest item on Panning’s list, especially since she was vulnerable. He said his fear was reflected in his body language.

“My energy radiates out into ‘I don’t want this hug,'” she said.

He remembers wandering the aisles until he found an approachable woman and storming out of the store when rejected.

The way he carried himself made a huge difference in how people responded to him. When she smiled, stood tall, and had high energy, people were more understanding and friendly, even if they said no. The important thing was that he acted as if he believed he had the right to ask and that he would be okay with whatever the answer was.

Start small

If you want to try your own version of rejection therapy, start small and build up to whatever seems difficult, Goldberg said. Jumping into big requests can be discouraging if you get a harsh reaction.

Farina suggests writing a list of tasks that seem daunting to start with and ranking them. Start with the least threatening one and slowly work your way up.

For example, you might ask a new coworker to grab a coffee or text a friend about a concert you want to go to. “Try it a few times a week and then process the experience,” Goldberg said, by journaling your reaction or talking about it with a trusted friend.

Farina and Goldberg said it’s important to stay consistent and practice making requests regularly; Even if you get a “yes” answer, you won’t see much progress with a one-time question.

Panning’s experience made it easier for her to make requests without much thought, which improved her relationships.

“I feel like I can really assert my needs, my desires, and my boundaries,” she said. “Because I know rejection isn’t about me.”