Your actions matter, but so do your words. That’s why it’s so important to talk openly about your faith with your children.

Quotation: Family Faith Under Fire: Practical Answers to Daily Challenges

The greatest desire of faith-filled parents is to pass on the Faith to their children. Their hope is that their children will embrace this Faith throughout their childhood and beyond.

So a parent watches with deep distress and no small sense of guilt as his child doubts, neglects, or rejects many of his childhood beliefs. Self-doubt and second-guessing disrupt not only his peace of mind, but also his relationship with now-young adults.

Even if not everything about the church turns out the way mom or dad expected, that doesn’t mean they are at fault. This also doesn’t mean the story is over.

Talk the Walk

Dear Dr. Ray: I have always believed that my actions speak louder than my words. So, as the saying goes, I chose to walk in religion rather than talk religion. My kids are nine and thirteen and I’m not sure if they’re walking behind me. —Non-speaking

The following quote has long been attributed to St. Francis: “Always preach the gospel and use words if necessary.” In fact, St. Francis never said this. He was an outstanding preacher. The power of his words came from the power of his actions. The two moved in inseparable harmony. One strengthened the other. Each alone would not carry the same weight.

Practice what you preach; give your speech; values ​​are not taught, they are caught; Children learn from what they experience. These are all valuable statements containing a great deal of truth. But they don’t tell the whole truth. Most people—”people” here includes children—are indeed more affected by someone else’s behavior than by that person’s speech. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then images of living well are worth a thousand words. Actions that do not comply with my words will of course make those words empty.

But actions alone are not enough. Words strengthen actions.

First assumption: You are older than your children. Therefore, your moral behavior may be clearer to you than to them. It takes maturity to learn moral lessons from what you see in others. A child of nine and thirteen is still reaching moral maturity. For that matter, so do many adults.

Second assumption: Your children are people. Therefore, their nature is fallen, prone to self-interest. Yes, they can observe your sample, assuming they are paying attention. But interest in your example conflicts with their personal interests. While they are drawn to imitating you, they are also drawn to their own desires.

Third assumption: You are human. You, too, have a fallen nature that can sabotage your best intentions to be a bright moral light. Even the holiest saints know that their light can flicker. Acting with moral consistency is a lifelong journey.

Fourth assumption: Your behavior is generally quite admirable. But does he ever look like a nine-year-old, or worse, a thirteen-year-old? No matter how hard you try, your fallen nature gets in the way and sends your children what psychologists call “mixed messages.” So, they probably won’t think: “Wow, my mom is so nice almost all the time. But he’s only human and he slips often. I understand “I’m having this problem too.”

The child’s bias is his interpretation of his parent’s moral inconsistencies in his own favor. Ask any parent who has finally exploded after forty days of standing firm in the face of teenage stares and “Yeah, you’re right.” Will she be rewarded with: “Oh, Mom, I’m so sorry for pushing you to your limits the last forty days. “You are a walking, talking saint who has endured this long”? Or, “Look, you always tell me to show respect, but you never show it. If you want respect, you have to show respect”?

Nearly twenty years ago I returned to the Church determined to act in moral harmony with my beliefs. I don’t know if people are paying attention or if I’m not as holy as I think I am. Either way, I’m still waiting to hear: “Ray, I’ve been watching you for a while now and I’m impressed by your moral testimony. Could you please tell me the basis of this?”

I too must be ready to talk about my faith when the opportunity arises. Without the willingness to provide the underlying reasons for my behavior, I could be seen as a nice guy at best. God could not take any credit.

Talk openly with your children about why you live this way. You’re not just trying to be a good mother. It goes much deeper than that. This all stems from your relationship with Christ. Words by themselves cannot teach in a lasting way. Actions alone speak louder than words. For maximum teaching, words and actions that both move in the same direction are needed. To rephrase whoever said it: Always preach the gospel and make sure your walk matches your talk.