DEAR ABBY: My sister recently lost her husband, who died after a brief battle with cancer. His daughter, my niece, was due to get married later this year. They are having financial difficulties and the death of my brother-in-law has made the situation worse. In order to help them, my wife and I quietly gave them $1,000 to spend on my niece’s shower so they could have her somewhere nice. My sister was grateful, but unfortunately we didn’t hear anything from my niece.

A few months later, the marriage is now annulled. My sister and her daughter recently went on a cruise and told me they had booked another one. There was no question of returning our $1,000. My wife is getting more and more frustrated and wants to say something to my sister, which will create a family feud. While I agree that the money should be returned, I’m inclined to just write it off rather than make a mess. I would like to hear your point of view. — GENEROUS IN THE EAST

DEAR GENEROUS: My point is that when it comes to your sister and her daughter, you should close your wallet tightly. The money is gone and you are right that raising the issue will create ill will. Your generosity should have been recognized and when the wedding was canceled your money should have been returned rather than used for a mother/daughter vacation. If your niece manages to get married in the future, remember that you have already given her a “wedding gift.”

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.