Dear Eric: I am a young woman of 30 years old. I had a small argument with my sister in December 2023. The words that hurt me the most from her were “if we can’t get along, let’s leave this fraternity.” I was so devastated, heartbroken and lost.

So, from that day on, I decided not to talk to him the way we did. She stays in another country and I am in my home country. I love him. I don’t even want any harm to happen to him. But these words keep ringing in my head. What am I supposed to do?

– Worried sister

Dear Sister: Your sister’s response was so extreme; I wonder if the little fight really seemed insignificant to him. It’s possible that she was overreacting or in a heightened emotional state, but offering to break up your relationship suggests that this conflict has a longer history that needs to be resolved.

Along the same lines, you were hurt enough to accept his proposal. It also suggests that this was just the tip of an iceberg of bruised feelings between the two of you. So what is really going on?

No matter what’s behind the argument, it doesn’t have to be the end of it.

In fact, by reaching out to unpack this, you may be able to break the pattern you both find yourself in. Try a call, if she accepts it. Or a letter, if she doesn’t want it.

Start with the basic truth: You love him and you want to fix it. To do this, you need to talk about how you were hurt and you need to be open to hearing how she felt hurt. It’s not easy and it can put you both on the defensive. But the point of the conversation is to get to the question “how can we move forward?” » Try to achieve this. This may require several conversations, apologies and repairs. But I hope you can get to the point where you feel safe enough to remove the permanent divider from the table.

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Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.