• When we first got married, I worked full time and my husband stayed home.
• We moved to Europe and I became a “traditional wife,” doing household chores.
• Being a traditional wife means wanting the best for my husband.

My journey to becoming a “saleswoman” – or traditional wife – began in 2012 when I cooked dinner for a man I barely knew. He was from another country and had recently moved into my building. We chatted daily, usually over a cup of Turkish tea that he brought me. Earlier that evening, he had knocked on my door to ask me how to make the box of Hamburger Helper that he was holding. He couldn’t read English. It was easier to prepare it for him than to explain it.

I was a widow. He was divorced. None of us were looking for a new relationship. But destiny had other plans.

That night, I knew in my heart that I would marry him. I also knew that I wanted to be the kind of old fashioned woman we now call a traditional wife. I’ve done both and have never regretted either decision.

I learned a new way to be a wife

My mother was a strong, single mother. My father left us when I was 7, forcing her to take this job. But I am grateful for what she taught me. She told me that a woman must be strong on her own. Her husband won’t always be there to take care of her.

At the beginning of our marriage, I worked in a company. I was away from home more than 60 hours a week. As someone who spoke better English, I solved most of the problems. My husband did most of the housework since he was home more than me. But it became clear that I wasn’t happy with my role in our relationship or my life. I had terrible anxiety and my health was deteriorating.

In 2019, my husband and I decided to move to his home country in Eastern Europe. I knew it would be a big change, and when we moved, things changed. My husband spoke the language and knew the culture, while I didn’t.

It took a little getting used to. Even though it was what I wanted, I was stubborn because of my background and what I had been taught. But my husband was patient and didn’t demand any changes. I didn’t need to work. I could stay at home. I could “indulge” in all the housewife activities I had wanted to do for so long. I could become the woman my husband needed.

I redefine the traditional woman for me

The stereotype of the traditional wife has become that of a woman who has many children, cooks everything at home, makes no money and follows a “traditional” tradition. gender roles. And while these stereotypes may be true for some, they are not exhaustive.

To me, a “traditional wife” is not about how many children you have. It’s not about making your child’s cereal from scratch. It’s not about wanting to live in a bygone era. It’s not even about who controls the money or who earns it.

I’m a writer and I don’t give up my paychecks to my husband. I’m the one who takes care of the money and makes sure all the bills are paid. I happen to be better at it, and he agrees.

Being a TradWife for me means wanting the best for my husband. This means respecting their opinion and admitting that they have more knowledge than I do on a subject. It means accepting His help and care. This means always presenting it in a positive light to others. It means keeping private things private.

It’s recognizing that he’s an adult. I don’t need it micromanagement him. This means trusting that it will fulfill its duties. These tasks may be subject to sexist stereotypes. This may not be the case. It’s up to us to decide.

Of course, the opposite of the above is also true. My husband respects me and takes care of me.

Being a traditional wife means I am secure in my place in this world and in my marriage. Most of my anxiety is gone. I was able to let go of the idea that I had to be “more.” I have enough – enough for my husband and enough for myself.