The important thing, says Dr. Jensen, is that you convey something that shows your core values. His favorite, for example, tells people that he left Europe for the United States with nothing but a backpack. “Now I’m married to a wonderful woman here, I have a little son and I love my life,” he says. “I use it to illustrate something about me, I think I’m a brave person.” Dr. Jensen notes that he will also try to inject some humor and vulnerability into the tale, two things that can help the listener become more involved in your story. For example, he’ll talk about how the air conditioning in his new hometown, Phoenix, was broken when he arrived in 100-degree weather, and he’ll ask questions along the way (e.g., things as simple as: “Guess what What happened next?”), while emphasizing the entertaining parts for dramatic effect.

Lean on the type of charisma that best suits your strengths.

Of course, people who have I don’t know what you’re naturally attracted to, but if you put two charming people in the same room, the way they act will be polar opposites. “The question is what type of charisma works best for you, your personality, your brain. » Olivia Fox Cabinauthor of The myth of charismatells SELF. “It’s really about finding the secret sauce of what will make You shine and understand that charisma depends less on what people think of you and more on how you make them feel about themselves.

She likes to separate a person’s type of charisma into three categories: power, warmth, or presence. For example, she says, those who exude power could probably take matters into their own hands and quickly get a group of people out of a burning building if necessary. On the other hand, individuals who lead with warmth can be incredibly empathetic, Cabane adds, giving the example of the Dalai Lama. A truly present person, she notes, will make a 30-second interaction truly deep and meaningful. “Bill Clinton was famous for that,” she explains. “He would make you feel like you were the only person there was.”

Here’s how to know where you fit in: “When interacting with people, is it easy for you to stay focused on what they are saying throughout the conversation?” » asks Cabane. “It’s a strong presence, because most brains tend to wander away from the conversation.” (So ​​in this case, really relying on other people’s stories, rather than telling a bunch of them, might be ideal.) If you’re someone who is naturally confident, that’s the power, said Cabane. If it feels right, you might *really* hone in on your personal story, because you’ll likely get people’s attention quickly. And “if you tend to be naturally compassionate and empathetic, that’s warmth,” she adds. So, for example, if you want to exude this type of charisma, perhaps you will identify the sensitive parts of the conversation and respond with genuine emotion.

Prepare to be more confident.

As Cabane explains, there are some things you can do right before a gathering that can make you feel a lot more confident– and it starts with the way you dress. “Make sure you’ll be physically comfortable,” she tells SELF. “People respond to your body language first and your words second or third, so it’s important to be comfortable.”